For the third time in nine days, Scientology leader David Miscavige presided over the grand opening of a new ‘Ideal Org’ that had been sitting, ready to open, for years.
Last week he was in Austin, Texas, on Friday night he was in Mexico City, and yesterday afternoon Miscavige was in Chicago to open the Ideal Org on Clark Street to the sounds of music from the movie The Blues Brothers.
Miscavige himself played on Chicago’s love for its sports teams.
“Today this Second City is truly Second to None. While before that Windy City ribbon comes cascading down, this is also the moment to recognize what you already know: how just as Chicago was once reborn, so today there is room for a new beginning. And thus, room for restoring to individuals the ability to live a better life—in their own estimation and with their fellows and the playing of a better game.”
Please note, as usual he was wearing his wedding ring, even some 18 years after he stashed his wife Shelly in a secretive compound in the mountains northeast of Los Angeles, and doesn’t allow her out to see any of her family or to make any public statements of any kind.
But yesterday was not a day for such controversies. It was a celebration. And also as usual there were local shills on hand to help Dave out.
First up was Rob Fioretti, who was identified by Scientology only as “adviser to the City of Chicago,” which sounds vague. A quick search, however, reveals that he’s a former city alderman who was elected twice, in 2007 and 2011, and that he’s run unsuccessfully for mayor since then.
“Chicago stands tall—a bold slugger with one of the world’s most recognizable skylines. Designs born here define the skylines of America and, indeed, the skylines of the world. And what’s awesome about the Church of Scientology is that you get it. You understand the character of this city on so many levels. As a city councilor, I fought with you to secure this heritage site. And through our co-endeavor, I watched as the Church restored this landmark to her 1915 splendor. More than 25,000 hours were invested—twenty-five thousand hours. And let me tell you: every second, minute and hour is proof that you are a prized and trusted custodian of this city!”
Next up was Gwen Appleberry, who was identified as “Citizen Advisor to the Chicago Police Department and the Board of Education.”
“I do know a little something about the potential inside those doors. You see, 47 years ago, I first laid my eyes on Dianetics. It resonated with me before I even took it off the shelf. And to this day, I keep his works on my shelf so I can always have his wisdom with me. It’s what I call the booster shot of living. The booster shot of living! Let me tell you, you’re precisely what Downtown needs. You are going to light up the South Loop!”
Kweli Kwaza was identified as “Executive Director of the Club 21 Initiative, a coalition of neighborhood block clubs promoting unity.”
“I set about getting neighborhoods to not only survive, but thrive. You came back again, and again and again. So yes, you are community partners. With this new Church and the transformative programs you will infuse into our community, we have a blueprint to build, block by block, a city we are proud of. And it will now stand on the unbreakable foundation of our people, our organizations and upon centers of change like this new Church of Scientology!”
Dave’s final shill was Norman White, who was identified as a member of Chicago’s “Commission on Human Relations.” He spoke about Scientology’s Volunteer Ministers handing out pamphlets and sending out decontamination teams during the pandemic.
“I was damned impressed. You guys were on top of it. In fact, if it were a superhero movie, then while the rest of us were still in bed reaching for our masks, you had already zipped up your suits, put on your yellow jackets and were out there ‘doing something about it’! It’s all you! You’ve been keeping Chicago safe. You have demonstrated an inherent willingness to help—indiscriminately. You see, there is a whole lot of need out there. And to have you answering the call is precisely what this city needs. Here stands a crown jewel which represents a friendlier, more supportive and more open city. What more could you ask for? So today, let’s recognize what stands before our very eyes—a home for every resident where we can unite and thus get better, together. And let’s make the most of today to make an even greater tomorrow in this city of Chicago!”
An overhead shot revealed that there were only about 400 people crammed into a small space where Scientology was able to shut down Clark Street. But of course with the church’s use of wide-angle lenses, it ends up looking like a bigger crowd…
So another Ideal Org goes through the motions, each of the three ceremonies very much alike. Paris was supposed to go first, but for some reason it was held up and will go last.
We want to extend great thanks to our helper who has been going by the Chicago building literally for years to check on its progress. He was there yesterday, and offered these observations.
“They opened with Soul Man. What a bunch of jagoffs,” he said. “Not that I thought that opening would be majestic, but the blue ribbon looks sad. I can detect my own saline content waiting for this to end.
“When I walked through yesterday I could sense excitement from people entering and exiting the org. This was while crews were building their wee stage. Today was more tense. The new uniforms are shiny. I am sure that they were picked to convey ‘Chicago Tough,’ but they just reminded me of car salesmen who will correct you by saying ‘pre-owned vehicle’ every time you say ‘used car.’
“As far as I can tell there’s no news from any real media outlets. Not the Tribune, not the Sun-Times. I didn’t see a news van. In the end, the local org would have been better off if they had settled for a suburban industrial park, next to a yogurt factory. The new location is ‘too reasonable.’ The building just doesn’t inspire awe or wonder. It was reasonable to put near a college dorm, assuming you came from a family that treasures memories of their first Scientology experiences in college during the Golden Age of Mimeographs. They are next to art school kids—I wouldn’t be too surprised if someone would try to pose in front of the org wearing a raw meat dress as part of a performance art project.”
A big Bunker salute to our helper for keeping us up on the happenings there in Chicago, and for being there yesterday.
Well, Chicago, you are now ideal. How does it feel?
Want to help?
Please consider joining the Underground Bunker as a paid subscriber. Your $7 a month will go a long way to helping this news project stay independent, and you’ll get access to our special material for subscribers. Or, you can support the Underground Bunker with a Paypal contribution to bunkerfund@tonyortega.org, an account administered by the Bunker’s attorney, Scott Pilutik. And by request, this is our Venmo link, and for Zelle, please use (tonyo94 AT gmail). E-mail tips to tonyo94@gmail.com.
Thank you for reading today’s story here at Substack. For the full picture of what’s happening today in the world of Scientology, please join the conversation at tonyortega.org, where we’ve been reporting daily on David Miscavige’s cabal since 2012. There you’ll find additional stories, and our popular regular daily features:
Source Code: Actual things founder L. Ron Hubbard said on this date in history
Avast, Ye Mateys: Snapshots from Scientology’s years at sea
Overheard in the Freezone: Indie Hubbardism, one thought at a time
Past is Prologue: From this week in history at alt.religion.scientology
Random Howdy: Your daily dose of the Captain
Here’s the link for today’s post at tonyortega.org
And whatever you do, subscribe to this Substack so you get our breaking stories and daily features right to your email inbox every morning.
Paid subscribers get access to two special podcast series…
Up the Bridge: A journey through Scientology’s actual “technology”
Group Therapy: Our round table of rowdy regulars on the week’s news
"Well, Chicago, you are now ideal. How does it feel?"
Like I want to throw up.
They dared to use Blues Brothers? They got someone to claim VMs kept Chicago safe during the pandemic, and apparently while not being racist? (And COVID-19, I should add, is still a thing.) Doing it by colleges and towards the South Side is just trying to take advantage of people? And... uggh the whole thing makes me feel awful. What a sad day for Chicago.
“Soul man?” Seriously? Well, Isaac Hayes co-wrote it, so that makes a tiny bit of sense. But ugh.