Have you made your Scientology ‘postulates’ for the new year, space cadet?

The Scientology propaganda just keeps coming, and we usually get a kick out of it. Scientology’s messages aimed at its members helps us keep up on what’s going on inside the secretive organization, and it also gives us a glimpse of how this dwindling organization is keeping the lights on.

Most recently, we were forwarded a promotion for an event that, sadly, has already taken place: A “postulates seminar” on January 3. But we thought you’d still get a kick out of the promo video featuring “Elite FSM” Emmett Osborn.

There’s no better time than the beginning of a new year, apparently, to make your Scientology “postulates” that, with your magical OT abilities, you’ll make happen for yourself this coming year.

Which brings up the question, what the hell is he talking about?

“Postulates are a very big thing in Scientology and everybody always focuses on the magic of them and how you can make them come true so you can make anything in your life come true,” Chris Shelton tells us. “And the New Year being the time of New Year’s resolutions, these two things come together pretty much. I never really saw anything special about New Year’s versus any other time of the year as a Scientologist because postulates are just postulates.”

Alex Barnes-Ross told us just to think of Scientology postulates as new year’s resolutions. But we asked him, isn’t there something more magical about postulates?

“Yeah absolutely. If you postulate it, it’ll happen. It’s like an affirmation,” he says.

And Alex reminded us of the Scientology practice of writing “postulate checks.”

“The registrar will sell you something just before Thursday at 2pm. You write a check so the stat counts as 'paid' — even if you know you don't have the money, because you know it’ll take a few days to clear. So you just make sure you have the money in your account for Monday or whenever. It's fraud,” he says. “Essentially, you’re postulating that you'll have the money in your account. You're so sure you will make it happen with your OT Tone 40 intention, you'll even write a check.”

Just keep postulating, pilgrims, and keep hoping that money magically appears!

Meanwhile, other readers forwarded more inspirational propaganda from David Miscavige’s outfit. It was interesting, for example, to see this couple explain why they’ve forked over $200,000 (“double humanitarian) so Dave can open another empty Ideal Org, in this case in Puerto Rico…

We just love it when Scientologists dress up pirates or gangsters in order to plunder their fellow church members of the big bucks.

Also, Saint Hill sent out a success story we thought you’d like to see. Gillian explains her situation and why she’s rocketed up the Bridge.

By the time I was 22 years old, all was not well in my life. Living in Croatia, hundreds of miles away from the nearest org or mission with two adorable, lively, young boys and a failed marriage on my hands, I wasn’t getting anywhere and I knew it. Lucky for me, I have a twin sister who to me, is my guardian angel.

She pulled me back to East Grinstead to be near LRH’s home and pushed me onto my Survival Rundown. She was right—I found the answers to my problems by simply moving up the Bridge step by step. Once I got started I didn’t stop and in fairly short order I had made it all the way to New OT V.

Life was great at that point BUT, I made a very simple mistake. I put a pause on my Bridge progress when I got pregnant with my third child. Everything was so great, I was doing fine, I thought I could just be a mum. The MEST universe really takes advantage of decisions like that. So problems like time and you-know-what suddenly really became problems.

My sister was already a Solo NOTs auditor and every time she talked to me, she just kept saying, “Gillian, you need to get onto Solo NOTs.” So I started to really look at doing it.

Of course so much bullbait was immediately created. I didn’t have any idea how I was going to do it, I just decided, “That’s it, I AM getting onto Solo NOTs.” And now it has become a reality. I went home, Solo case in hand, ready to audit myself on New OT VII.

I continued to audit every day and life got better and better. My husband and I started our own business. Now, I NEVER would have had the confidence or abilities to do that before Solo NOTs. But not only did we start our own business, it’s been quite successful.

The biggest win for me was this: My whole life I have had this ruin that I could never be alone, I could never just enjoy my own company. I always had to be around people. If I was ever by myself I’d get nervous and have weird sensations. I wouldn’t travel alone… I just stuck to people like glue. It’s probably why I have an identical twin sister, actually!

I suddenly realised this wasn’t right, so I addressed this again and again. And then one day after a Solo session, I looked in the mirror and cried and kept crying. I had found me… I had finally met me.

I don’t know where I had been before but I am here now, I am my own best friend, I am calm and relaxed, my mind is quiet and I am happy with myself.

I completed New OT VII and started New OT VIII right away. This was the best decision I ever made. I walked into the New OT VIII course room thinking “Will I make it, am I really ready?” And I walked out of that course room knowing 100% I can do anything!

On New OT VIII all self-invalidation disappeared forever, never to return. My wins about finding myself on New OT VII were multiplied by 10 and validated again and again on this level.

Each day went by and more and more I felt like a child again, I’d skip down the corridors and life was effortlessly beautiful. Colours, perceptions were so clear I almost couldn’t believe what I was seeing or hearing, feeling, etc. I felt absolute serenity of beingness and forever will have that. I reached pure stability as a being and this is who I am!

Hey, also, mark yer calendars!

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Source Code: Actual things founder L. Ron Hubbard said on this date in history

Avast, Ye Mateys: Snapshots from Scientology’s years at sea

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