Here’s the 2024 Scientology Super Bowl ad, this year’s ‘mystery sandwich’

Right at midnight on February 11, the day that the Super Bowl will take place, Scientology revealed its ad for the big game this year. And once again, it’s a mystery sandwich.

In a 1990s court case, Hana Whitfield testified that Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard had said in her presence, “To keep a person on the Scientology path, feed him a mystery sandwich.”

That’s exactly what Scientology’s Super Bowl ads are all about. You won’t learn a thing about what actually happens in a Scientology church, but you will get your inner pilgrim pandered to, grasshopper.

Since 2013, the church has bought local ad spots during the big game to show its slick ads. People in some markets see the ad during the long pre-game show and during the game itself, usually right after halftime and as the third quarter is about to begin. But it has appeared in other spots as well.

Here’s this year’s entry, titled ‘Decide for Yourself.’ This is a 60-second version, but what actually airs during the game will be 30 seconds or less…

Every day millions of people ask...What is Scientology?

Here's an idea. What if you just take a look?

What if you see for yourself...

Who we are,

What we believe,

And what we stand for.

Our doors are open,

To all people

Of all faiths

In every corner of the world.

So what is Scientology?

Maybe it's time to look

And decide for yourself.

It’s the same narrator as ever, the same look, the same word salad that adds up to nothing.

And it never fails. Each year, we see viewers go completely nuts over the idea that Scientology has paid to run a short pitch on their TV screens.

Speaking of going nuts. No reaction to a Scientology Super Bowl ad was more attention-getting than Mr. Peanut’s classic Twitter take five years ago…

Anyway, we expect a lot more incredulity tonight. You’d think people would be used to it by now. Eleven years ago, for 2013’s Super Bowl, Scientology advertised during the game for the first time. Why then? Well, we agreed with Mike Rinder that it was probably a direct result of Debbie Cook asking, in court testimony in 2012, about the money that Scientologists were supposedly paying for publicity campaigns.

Cook was a top former church official and the questions she raised in a famous New Year’s 2012 email led directly to a large exodus of people leaving the church — and no doubt made Scientology leader David Miscavige sit up and take notice. She seemed to have a good point: Scientologists are under intense pressure to fork over huge amounts of money that they are told will be used to “disseminate” Scientology to the larger public. But what did they have to show for it? Where were the TV ads or other means of getting the word out? Only a few months after Cook made that complaint, Scientology aired its first ever Super Bowl ad.

And fortunately for us, the result was eleven more years of hilariously earnest TV ads that resulted in endless mocking on social media each year.

Again, for the press who makes this mistake every year, this is not a national ad spot that, this year, costs advertisers $7 million for a 30-second commercial. Scientology instead buys local advertising spots in select markets during the game. One expert told us they figure it costs the church about $1 million to do it that way. As usual, we’ll be watching Twitter to see where the ad shows this year.

In case you’ve missed them, here are the ads for the previous Super Bowls…

2013’s ad, “Knowledge”…

2014’s ad, “Scientology Spiritual Technology”…

2015’s ad, “Age of Answers”…

2016’s ad, “Who Am I”…

2017’s ad, “Your Full Potential”…

2018’s ad, “Curious?”…

2019’s ad, “Curiosity”…

2020’s ad, “It’s Time To Rediscover The Human Soul”

2021’s ad, “Be More”

2022’s ad, “We are Giants”

2023’s ad, “Live Again”

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Source Code: Actual things founder L. Ron Hubbard said on this date in history

Avast, Ye Mateys: Snapshots from Scientology’s years at sea

Overheard in the Freezone: Indie Hubbardism, one thought at a time

Past is Prologue: From this week in history at alt.religion.scientology

Random Howdy: Your daily dose of the Captain

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