How Scientology makes forced disconnection even worse than the separation

[Sunny and her mother]

[Today’s guest post is by Sunny Pereira]

“She knows what she has to do.”

It was a matter-of-fact statement to my husband from my mother. I was pregnant with our second child and we wanted to let my Sea Org mother know about it. She had never met my children or my husband. We had thought he could call her up and let her know she was welcome to see our children and us. Of course she would not, because I, her daughter, was labelled a “Suppressive Person” by Scientology, over a decade earlier.

She was making it very clear to my never-in-Scientology husband, that on no uncertain terms, if I wanted to see or hear from her, I knew what I had to do.

You see, Scientology has what they call the “A to E steps.” They have been talked about in many places and forums that discuss Scientology. In a nutshell, what I had to do to be able to speak to and have a relationship with my own mother was to pay back Scientology for my “freeloading,” turn in all of my SP friends, and grovel and beg for Scientology to accept me back.

It got me thinking recently, though. Why is it that everyone who has left Scientology has the opportunity to do this and get back in touch with their family, but really no one ever does it?

In my 32 years in Scientology and the Sea Org, I only remember one person who had been SP declared and actually went through the steps and got back in good standing. That person actually ended up joining the Sea Org and became a laundry person for the Manor Hotel (a/k/a the Hollywood Celebrity Centre). Yes, a billion years washing linens for hotel guests. And not only that, they would never be allowed onto the OT Levels and would always be treated as if they “owed” more than anyone else.

I could imagine coming back and then having endless demands for financial donations. Nothing could ever be enough for them. And Scientology family members punish those family members not actively on the “Bridge to Total Freedom.” Scientologists tend to “mini-shun” those not active on the Bridge. You are punished with less time and attention from your Scientology family members. Getting back into the good graces with Scientology requires not one hundred percent, but more a thousand percent of your time, money, and sacrifice.

I can only speak for myself about why I would never do the steps. I would not even do them to be able to be in touch with my family that is still in. In talking with a few others in the same boat, we have noticed a sad pattern with those family members still in. Even when we were in touch with them, from prior to being SP declared, our relationships with Scientology (and especially Sea Org) members, was incredibly strained.

Visits were often brief. Conversations were boring, about good weather and good roads. There is a common ground understanding missing between family members that are in Scientology and those that are not. It is sad to see the cloistered view of these people, and to watch the befuddled faces of those who cannot comprehend it.

I remember one time my grandmother, who sadly has since passed, asked me about a call she had with my mother. My mother only called her for a few minutes on Sunday mornings. This was the only time my mom was free to talk. They chatted about weather and things for a minute or two, then my mom said “I have to go, the shower is open.”

Clearly she expected my grandmother to understand this comment, but she did not. I did. Shower time in the Sea Org is waiting in a large line for communal style showers. You miss your turn, you go to the end. You may end up late to post and all kinds of other trouble. She had to go. I understood the urgency, but my grandmother could not.

So for me, I don’t see any point in ever clearing my name with Scientology in order to have a “relationship” with my mother. In my case, and in many others I have heard from, parents and other family members are rarely a nurturing and loving relationship. I felt more like my family was just other Sea Org members that I had known longer.

So why would I ever grovel back to Scientology? Nah. Unthinkable.

There is plenty of good and love in the life I have now. We are building new and nurturing relationships from our generation onward.

Right before Thanksgiving I did have a wonderful gift come to me. Some thought this gift was incredibly cold-hearted. But I knew otherwise.

I had found out from another family member that my mom thought I still had some kind of beef with her. She thought there was something still between us needing to be resolved. Of course she will not come to me. But since I knew her email address, I thought I might as well send her a message.

This is what I sent her:

“Hi mom, I just wanted to tell you I forgive what happened when [redacted] and I were kids. I know a lot of what happened was not in your control. I am doing very well and have a good life. The life I wanted, I have. I wish all the best to you.”

Her response:

Yes, it seems incredibly cold. But you know what? She received my message. That’s all that mattered to me. I have said what I wanted to say and made my peace with her. And she has heard it. The rest is really none of my business, and honestly, completely out of my hands.

And so this year I went into Thanksgiving with a big heart and love for my family. I held them closer than ever and told them that they are loved. And we move forward.

— Sunny Pereira

---

Want to help?

Please consider joining the Underground Bunker as a paid subscriber. Your $7 a month will go a long way to helping this news project stay independent, and you’ll get access to our special material for subscribers. Or, you can support the Underground Bunker with a Paypal contribution to bunkerfund@tonyortega.org, an account administered by the Bunker’s attorney, Scott Pilutik. And by request, this is our Venmo link, and for Zelle, please use (tonyo94 AT gmail).

---

Thank you for reading today’s story here at Substack. For the full picture of what’s happening today in the world of Scientology, please join the conversation at tonyortega.org, where we’ve been reporting daily on David Miscavige’s cabal since 2012. There you’ll find additional stories, and our popular regular daily features:

Source Code: Actual things founder L. Ron Hubbard said on this date in history

Avast, Ye Mateys: Snapshots from Scientology’s years at sea

Overheard in the Freezone: Indie Hubbardism, one thought at a time

Past is Prologue: From this week in history at alt.religion.scientology

Random Howdy: Your daily dose of the Captain

Here’s the link to today’s post at tonyortega.org

And whatever you do, subscribe to this Substack so you get our breaking stories and daily features right to your email inbox every morning.

Paid subscribers get access to two special podcast series every week…

Up the Bridge: A weekly journey through Scientology’s actual “technology”

Group Therapy: Our round table of rowdy regulars on the week’s news