We’ve seen a number of Scientology holiday catalogs over the years, and this year’s edition didn’t fail to give us a chuckle. So we thought we’d share some of the images from it while you prepare for your own holidays.
Now, this particular gift guide wasn’t focused on the cute Scientology-themed ornaments or jewelry that we’ve seen in other catalogs. This one was pure L. Ron Hubbard, which should be obvious from the cover. (“Source” is what Scientologists call Hubbard, whose writings form the organization’s “scripture.”)
And to help emphasize that point, there’s a nice reproduction of a photo we’ve seen before, the Great Thetan himself adding to a massive pile of presents under a tree. Hip, hip, hooray!
And on the next page, how about a nice brag from Hubbard about how Scientology puts all of those other traditions in the dust? Only Scientologists know from Christmas!
And what would you rather see under the tree than a spanking new E-meter, ready to launch you on your journey to immortality! (If you’re new to this stuff, yes, Scientologists really talk about “eternity” like it’s something in their grasp, thanks to L. Ron Hubbard and his little device that actually just measures skin galvanism and doesn’t actually read your mind.)
Oh wait, they cost how much?
OK, well maybe some books would be better. Yeah, that’s it, let’s give someone a pile of L. Ron Hubbard books and lectures!
Wait, they cost how much?
Well, bah humbug. This Scientology stuff seems a bit expensive for Christmas. But it’s the spirit that counts, right Ron?
Continuing our year in review: The stories of March 2022
Valerie Haney continued to fight against the court’s derailing of her lawsuit, and requested a new reconsideration based on the ruling that had restored the Bixler lawsuit in January. And Scientology came back at her with a typically bluster-filled filing. Later in the month, the court turned down Valerie’s request.
On March 6, another exclusive: Published for the first time anywhere, we had Jane Doe 1’s 2004 letter to Scientology’s “International Justice Chief” requesting permission to report Danny Masterson to the LAPD.
Another issue of Impact magazine mean we got to see the latest roster of wealthy whales keeping Scientology afloat, with another 20 trophies given out for donations of $1 million or more!
Paulette Cooper put out a memoir of her own that went into other areas of her life than what we covered in The Unbreakable Miss Lovely.
On March 13, we marked L. Ron Hubbard’s 111th birthday with tributes from his former fans.
We were shocked to hear about the death of Ginger Sugerman, and remembered how happy we had been that she could attend our HowdyCon in Chicago in 2018.
Louise Shekter had another piece for us, this time about her friendship with Quentin Hubbard and an odd theory about his suicide.
Will Smith’s fateful slap of Chris Rock at the Oscars naturally aroused curiosity about Smith’s involvement in Scientology. But we did what we could to point out that we had reported that Smith was out of Scientology by 2015.
And at the end of the month, we reported the shocking news that Hanan Islam, mother of Rizza Islam and a subject of much of our reporting about their troubles with the law, had died of cancer. She had been awaiting trial on Medi-Cal fraud charges for several years.
A LOOK BACK AT MARCH 2021: First new footage of Shelly Miscavige in years, from a 2001 event. Steve Fishman got out of prison years early. Scientologist-owned ‘Real Water’ turned out to be poisoning people. ABC Mouse honcho Doug Dohring forked out another $10 million to Scientology and its “LRH Hall.” Rizza Islam named one of the twelve worst sources of online antivaxx disinformation.
A LOOK BACK AT MARCH 2020: Grant Cardone pushing pushing bogus stem cell cures. David Miscavige was briefly scheduled for a deposition. Danny Masterson’s accusers spoke out in sworn declarations. The pandemic arrives and cancels the L. Ron Hubbard birthday event. Mark Bunker gets elected to city council in Clearwater. We got our hands on David Miscavige’s secret briefing for Scientologists calling the pandemic a “planetary bullbait.”
A LOOK BACK AT MARCH 2019: R.M. Seibert made the entertaining Scientology-US Government-NY Yankees connection. Evidence that Tom Cruise and John Travolta both attended the LRH Birthday event. Sunny Pereira remembers when Lisa Marie Presley brought Michael Jackson into the Celebrity Centre. The London Org sends out an auditor training success story by Isabella Cruise. Man (later identified as Brian Statler) is shot dead at the Inglewood Ideal Org.
A LOOK BACK AT MARCH 2018: Scientology TV finally debuted, and featured David Miscavige in a short monologue. That same night, Leah Remini asked ‘Where’s Shelly?’ on the Aftermath. Arnie Lerma shot his wife in the face and then turned the gun on himself. And we learned that Kirstie Alley had achieved OT 8.
A LOOK BACK AT MARCH 2017: Scientologist actor Danny Masterson was under investigation for multiple rapes. Joy Villa mulled a run for Congress. We caught Marty Rathbun helping his old nemesis, the Church of Scientology, in a court case. We traced Marty’s dramatic arc from Scientology critic to Scientology attack dog. Leah Remini turned out to have helped finance the Scientology/NOI dance. Kuba Ka charmed us in a lengthy interview. And Reza Aslan laid an egg.
A LOOK BACK AT MARCH 2016: Attorney Ken Dandar dodges a million-dollar bullet. Tabatha Fauteux’s boyfriend tells us what really happened in her death while training for Scientology’s Narconon network. Belgium blows its prosecution of the church. And the saga of former Scientology helper cop, Skip Young.
A LOOK BACK AT MARCH 2015: Federal Judge James Whittemore hamstrung the Garcia fraud lawsuit with a stunning ruling, we dug up even more evidence that L. Ron Hubbard used the threat of “R2-45” to intimidate former church members, Paul Haggis gave us his thoughts as Alex Gibney’s Going Clear debuted on HBO, and we got to hear Sylvia DeWall being declared an SP while it was happening,
A LOOK BACK AT MARCH 2014: John Travolta mangled Idina Menzel’s name at the Oscars. We interviewed Russell Miller as his book Bare-Faced Messiah came back in print after 27 years. Jillian Schlesinger told us her gripping story of escape from the Sea Org.
A LOOK BACK AT MARCH 2013: We had fun with SMERSH Madness. We leaked Sea Org life histories. Narconon Arrowhead CEO Gary Smith lost his professional certification.
Thank you for reading today’s story here at Substack. For the full picture of what’s happening today in the world of Scientology, please join the conversation at tonyortega.org, where we’ve been reporting daily on David Miscavige’s cabal since 2012.
El Rhum was big on Spirits. Rum, certainly, with “pinks and greys.”