Look, you doubters can tell us that Scientology is shrinking, it’s having a tougher time in the courts, it’s getting the worst press in years, and church leader David Miscavige is hiding under a bed somewhere. But the truth is, the fundraising going on for new ‘Ideal Orgs’ is just hitting its stride!
First, take a look at this hype video to set up an all-Canada event that united our neighbors to the north in an orgy of nationalistic fervor!
With that kind of set up, how could this not be an absolutely incredible night of Canuckian splendor and an outpouring of cash! Let loose the loons!
(And once again, the geniuses at Scientology have produced a ludicrously long flier, and it probably won’t fit in the email we send you when this story goes live. However, we know that you love these things as much as we do, so we’re just going to put the whole darn thing in here, and you may have to go to the Substack site directly to see it all.)
OK, we’re convinced. This planet will be cleared in no time.
Want to help?
You can support the Underground Bunker with a Paypal contribution to bunkerfund@tonyortega.org, an account administered by the Bunker’s attorney, Scott Pilutik. And by request, this is our Venmo link, and for Zelle, please use (tonyo94 AT gmail).
Thank you for reading today’s story here at Substack. For the full picture of what’s happening today in the world of Scientology, please join the conversation at tonyortega.org, where we’ve been reporting daily on David Miscavige’s cabal since 2012. There you’ll find additional stories, and our popular regular daily features:
Source Code: Actual things founder L. Ron Hubbard said on this date in history
Avast, Ye Mateys: Snapshots from Scientology’s years at sea
Overheard in the Freezone: Indie Hubbardism, one thought at a time
Past is Prologue: From this week in history at alt.religion.scientology
Random Howdy: Your daily dose of the Captain
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People are still donating to the Toronto Ideal Org building ... the one that could could be torn down by the city, without notice, at any moment?!?
Asses to ashes
Nuts to dust
Your financial solvency
A total bust
With a hip, hip, hooray
And frenzied glee
Pimp pope takes your money
And drowns you in pee
It's a theta affair
Tone 40, no doubt
Shoulder to shoulder
'Til your ducats run out
The buildings stand empty
Fundraising never stops
The pimp keeps pimping
And evading the cops
Ah, life's just a game
And it's only MEST
Don't mind the poverty
You're C.O.B. blessed!
THERFORE AND FORTWITH:
Postulates are senior to MEST!
Getting fucked by Hubbard is THE BEST!
Asses to ashes
Ovaries to dust
Dignity trampled
Sanity a husk
47 Canucks plus 666 incandescent dingleberry thetans plus a peck of plucky tone-farty pundits
boarding 55 Van Allen Belt freight trains hurtling in a mad rush to the Outhouse of Infinity...to, finally, secure THE PRIZE!
THE GOLDEN TURD OF FREEDUMB!