Scientology has a toxic effect on family: A testimonial

Sunny Pereira’s remarkable piece about growing up in Scientology garnered a big response, including this dispatch that was emailed to us by a reader. We thought you’d want to see it.

Thanks for sharing Sunny’s piece on Scientology and attachment styles. It’s so relevant in this community, even outside the Sea Org.

I believe even out in the general Scientology public, insecure attachment styles are the norm for people who grow up in it. The environment breeds it.

I’ve married and divorced two Scientologists. Both of them born-ins, both raised by single moms on staff at orgs. Their moms weren’t present for their kids and the resulting attachment styles of their kids are proof of it. Truly sad beginnings. It’s also interesting that both of my exes are ex Sea Org, both joining in their teens.

One ex husband is mostly out of Scientology now, though he waffles back and forth, so I’m never sure. He has a disorganized attachment style. We were married a year and he left while I was pregnant. That sucked. I don’t think he will be able to have a steady, stable, and loving long-term relationship with anyone.

My other ex husband has an extremely strong avoidant attachment style, which made it hard to have a deep relationship with him, though our marriage lasted many years. He had weird views on marriage roles that seem to be plucked straight out of a 1950’s TV show. It’s super weird. I believe it has much to do with his mom, who left to do services out of state when he was months old. Apparently he didn’t recognize her when she came back. Nothing, absolutely nothing, would have had me leave my baby and go to training or work or anything. Nothing. She was fairly absent most of his life with staff by day, a real job at night, and using the dollar theater as a babysitter on the weekends. One dollar would last him the whole day since he’d just sneak from movie to movie. Reminds me of how those Japanese princesses had their feet bound and they never grew right leaving them mangled and distorted for life, same with my ex and the world of emotion, empathy, or love – it just wasn’t there.

I got into the church with my parents when I was a young kid, so I thankfully have a secure attachment style. And, as I raised my kids in a similar fashion to how I was raised as a baby, I held and sang to, and was extremely present for my kids despite a lot of hot and heavy pressure from the group to do the Bridge instead. I can’t tell you how many times my mother-in-law told me to “put that baby down” and that I was ruining my kid. That kid, by the way, is going on a full scholarship to university and is the kindest and most present family member; truly a good human. Very proud all round. So, Scientology can all take a long walk off a short pier with their parenting suggestions. The church makes bound-feet princesses, not healthy people.

Looking at a larger circle of my friends that I grew up with who also had parents on org staff when they were born but to married parents, those people are all anxiously attached. Several of my close friends are no longer in but are working through so much of this in their personal lives. So, one for one, the folks I’ve been close to that were born into Scientology and raised by org staff parents have either anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment styles. Not one has a secure style. Not one.

So, I’m fairly certain my kids are securely attached but it took a lot of persistence and heels digging in, and a lot of backlash from the community, just as a public, with ex staff mother-in-laws and ex Sea Org partners. I was definitely the minority. But, I’m stubborn and, now having learned about attachment styles, so glad I was.

Now, as I scrape up the broken pieces of my life after leaving, I seek a securely attached gent to share a life with, a life that is healthy and free of religious narcissism and systematic sociopathy.

Thanks again for sharing this story and I am so damn glad you are here.

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