Scientology restarts ‘Celebrity,’ but spills underage confession in ‘Source’

Thinking back, we have to admit that Scientology’s “Celebrity” magazine was always somewhat tepid. But since it too became a victim of the pandemic and stopped coming out for several years, we admit to missing it, at least a little.

Now, the magazine has finally begun appearing in the mailboxes of Scientologists again, and we managed to get our hands on the first issue since its resurrection.

And then we remembered how dull it is. Marisol Nichols graces the cover of issue 452, which is a hint that this won’t be the most sizzling number. Marisol Nichols? That’s the best they could do?

And except for a brief reference to actress Erika Christensen, the publication was filled with a lot of “celebrities” that we’re sure are fine folks but don’t appear to be household names. Actress Georgina Reilly. Golfer Omar Morales. Producer Adrian Ursu. Artist Joan Banks. Hip, hip, hooray.

Seriously, when the obligatory L. Ron Hubbard article is the most interesting thing in the magazine, that’s saying something.

And actually, we did appreciate this dip into wacky timelines in the piece by the Great Thetan:

Being Clear gives one the potential of being and makes the being rather easy and fun. Further, being Cleared makes it possible to continue to be something. There’s nothing wrong with being Clear. A person ought to be. The state is so valuable several hundreds of millions of people in the past 2,500 years have concentrated on nothing else.

But how about getting Clear and staying Clear forever? The auditor alone with his data well learned could manage that.

Remember, you were Clear once — trillions of years ago. Why didn’t you stay that way? Because the traps were well designed and you had no anatomy of traps.

Well, Scientology does have the anatomy of the traps, the Axioms, the discipline and know-how necessary to handle and control the laws of the universe. Scientology is the data necessary to live.

Classic stuff. Sure, this thing looks like it was designed to sit in a dentist’s office with its gloss of Hollywood glam, but waiting for the uninitiated is Hubbard and his promise that you’ve lived for trillions of years and he can help you remember it! Talk about traps.

So yeah, Celebrity is back and duller than ever. But wait, all is not lost. Because we did find something rather interesting in a publication that normally doesn’t hold much interest for us, the pure propaganda of “Source.”

What we’re talking about is a classic testimonial that appears in the latest issue. And perhaps inadvertently it confirms what so many former Scientologists have been saying for so long: The Church of Scientology preys on children, and turns them into zealots before they’re out of middle school.

Take a look and see what we mean…

Gaining Knowledge. Getting Trained. Going OT. A New Breed of Teenager.

Ananya Tare started her journey to freedom as a young girl at Flag. Now a singer-songwriter, as she keeps moving up the Bridge, she keeps winning.

The day after my 8th birthday, my dad brought me to the New York Org for the very first time. I remember being shown The Bridge to Total Freedom, and I was drawn to the steps of the OT Levels.

Later we moved to Clearwater and I quickly settled into my routine: school all day, dinner at the Fort Harrison, then into the Golden Age of Knowledge Course Room. I stuck to this routine every single day until, by the age of 12, I had completed all of the Basics Books and Lectures.

I next embarked on the adventure of training and, by the age of 13, I was a Flag-trained Class IV Auditor!

Then I decided it was time to work on the processing side of the Bridge. I completed the Expanded Grades and New Era Dianetics and I went Clear. At this point, I felt like I was finally free from something that had held me back for trillions of years.

Objectively, everything was fine; however, I lived with a constant knot of dread in my stomach. Life had gotten too serious. I knew it was high time to begin the OT Levels.

During my first sessions on the OT Levels, I unloaded tremendous amounts of charge. I learned so many things about myself and why certain things were the way they were.

On OT III, I finally understood the real reason for the constant feeling that nothing was right. On this level, the pieces of the puzzle finally started to snap into place as I understood the reason for my overwhelm. Each session slowly melted away the horrible pit in my stomach until, finally, it was completely gone. Now I am calm, collected and able to do the things I really want to do.

This has been an incredible journey and experience so far. I know I am well set up for success, living my life as a Class IV Auditor and an OT!

Well, sure. What teenage angst isn’t best handled by spending tens of thousands on an auditing level like OT 3 and being let in on the story about Xenu the genocidal galactic warlord.

It makes perfect sense!

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Judge set to deny motion by Danny Masterson victims

Last week, we told you that the Danny Masterson victims were trying to convince Judge Upinder Kalra to reconsider his ruling that their entire lawsuit should be on hold as Scientology appeals Kalra’s decision to deny the church’s anti-SLAPP motions.

The Jane Does are trying to bolster their lawsuit in a major way, adding another victim as well as civil racketeering allegations against Scientology. And they can’t do that as long as the lawsuit is stayed.

But in a tentative ruling posted to the court website, Judge Kalra indicated that in a hearing this morning he is going to deny that request to reconsider his previous ruling, and the entire lawsuit will remain on ice as Scientology’s appeal takes a year or so to proceed.

We’ll try to get a report about what is said in the hearing and whether Judge Kalra does make his tentative ruling final.

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LRH 2.0 gets new court date, moans about broken tooth

Once again, Lafayette Ronald Hubbard — a/k/a LRH 2.0, the former California prison inmate Justin Craig — had another pretrial court date set, this time for September 27 as he sits in a Tennessee jail, where he’s been since October 2021 awaiting trial on serious drug dealing and battery charges.

And the waiting has to be disappointing for Craig/2.0 especially as he is in a lot of pain, as he explained recently to his followers…

(16 August) TO ALL ESPERIANS While I am going to do the best I can to continue my work over the next week, my communications may be sporadic. The reason for this is that I have shattered one of my teeth and am currently in debilitating pain. The jail will not do anything except give me some ibuprofen and says I have to wait up to two weeks to have it pulled. This is worse than the damn dark ages! At least then they would have just pulled the thing! In any event, that's what is going on. If there are any of you who have called down here to the jail before and complained about my situation — I would really appreciate it if you could do so and let them know I am in pain, and need this taken care of. By law someone is not supposed to be left in pain like this, but they don't want to spend the money to take someone to the dentist like they should. That being said, I'll have a few things to release when I'm feeling up to it. L. Ron Hubbard

Apparently, “Ron’s” new methods of Esperianism are helpless against the MEST of a busted tooth. So we hope he gets some actual medical care soon as he waits for his next court date.

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A special treat for our subscribers

Today at noon the folks who help us keep the lights on here at the Underground Bunker — our paid subscribers — are going to receive a very special treat, and we can’t wait to see the reactions to it.

One of our favorite Bunker stalwarts, musician Geoff Levin, has written and produced a new original song after being inspired by something we wrote recently about a certain Scientology celebrity.

If you’re reading the Bunker for free, we appreciate your participation, and we hope you will consider becoming one of our supporters who pay $7 a month for daily reporting on the Church of Scientology.

And today, at noon, you’ll receive a copy of Geoff’s magnificent new track, “Deadbeat Dad.”

Just wait until you hear the lyrics!

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Tomorrow: Part 2 of the conversation between Peter Reichelt and Klaus Büchele

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Thank you for reading today’s story here at Substack. For the full picture of what’s happening today in the world of Scientology, please join the conversation at tonyortega.org, where we’ve been reporting daily on David Miscavige’s cabal since 2012. There you’ll find additional stories, and our popular regular daily features:

Source Code: Actual things founder L. Ron Hubbard said on this date in history

Avast, Ye Mateys: Snapshots from Scientology’s years at sea

Overheard in the Freezone: Indie Hubbardism, one thought at a time

Past is Prologue: From this week in history at alt.religion.scientology

Random Howdy: Your daily dose of the Captain

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