Here’s the 2023 Scientology Super Bowl ad, this year’s ‘mystery sandwich’
Right at midnight on February 12, the day that the Super Bowl will take place, Scientology revealed its ad for the big game this year. And once again, it’s a mystery sandwich.
In a 1990s court case, Hana Whitfield testified that Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard had said in her presence, “To keep a person on the Scientology path, feed him a mystery sandwich.”
That’s exactly what Scientology’s Super Bowl ads are all about. You won’t learn a thing about what actually happens in a Scientology church, but you will get your inner pilgrim pandered to, grasshopper.
Since 2013, the church has bought local ad spots during the big game to show its slick ads. People in some markets see the ad during the long pre-game show and during the game itself, usually right after halftime and as the third quarter is about to begin. But it has appeared in other spots as well.
Here’s this year’s entry, titled ‘Live Again.’ This is a 1.5-minute version, but what actually airs during the game will be 30 seconds or less…
If you think that all is lost
That every dream has faded
Think again
It's there, within you
Something that can never die
The power to rise
To create
To live
Again
Because nothing is more powerful
Than you
It’s the same narrator as ever, the same look, the same word salad that adds up to nothing.
And it never fails. Each year, we see viewers go completely nuts over the idea that Scientology has paid to run a short pitch on their TV screens.
Speaking of going nuts. No reaction to a Scientology Super Bowl ad was more attention-getting than Mr. Peanut’s classic Twitter take four years ago…
Anyway, we expect a lot more incredulity tonight. You’d think people would be used to it by now. Ten years ago, for 2013’s Super Bowl, Scientology advertised during the game for the first time. Why then? Well, we agreed with Mike Rinder that it was probably a direct result of Debbie Cook asking, in court testimony in 2012, about the money that Scientologists were supposedly paying for publicity campaigns.
Cook was a top former church official and the questions she raised in a famous New Year’s 2012 email led directly to a large exodus of people leaving the church — and no doubt made Miscavige sit up and take notice. She seemed to have a good point: Scientologists are under intense pressure to fork over huge amounts of money that they are told will be used to “disseminate” Scientology to the larger public. But what did they have to show for it? Where were the TV ads or other means of getting the word out? Only a few months after Cook made that complaint, Scientology aired its first ever Super Bowl ad.
And fortunately for us, the result was nine more years of hilariously earnest TV ads that resulted in endless mocking on social media each year.
Again, for the press who makes this mistake every year, this is not a national ad spot that, this year, costs advertisers $7 million for a 30-second commercial. Scientology instead buys local advertising spots in select markets during the game. One expert told us they figure it costs the church about $1 million to do it that way. As usual, we’ll be watching Twitter to see where the ad shows if there is one this year.
In case you’ve missed them, here are the ads for the previous Super Bowls…
2013’s ad, “Knowledge”…
2014’s ad, “Scientology Spiritual Technology”…
2015’s ad, “Age of Answers”…
2016’s ad, “Who Am I”…
2017’s ad, “Your Full Potential”…
2018’s ad, “Curious?”…
2019’s ad, “Curiosity”…
2020’s ad, “It’s Time To Rediscover The Human Soul”
2021’s ad, “Be More”
2022’s ad, “We are Giants”
Thank you for reading today’s story here at Substack. For the full picture of what’s happening today in the world of Scientology, please join the conversation at tonyortega.org, where we’ve been reporting daily on David Miscavige’s cabal since 2012. There you’ll find additional stories, and our popular regular daily features:
Source Code: Actual things founder L. Ron Hubbard said on this date in history
Avast, Ye Mateys: Snapshots from Scientology’s years at sea
Overheard in the Freezone: Indie Hubbardism, one thought at a time
Past is Prologue: From this week in history at alt.religion.scientology
Random Howdy: Your daily dose of the Captain
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Another year another J&D fest. There is no reason to change a thing they are doing, scientology is doing itself in.
Where ever you are, the Stupor Bowl commercials are sometimes more relevant than the game. I wonder how many crypto commercials there will be this year? At least we may get more $cieno jokes via the internet and it does raise awareness that the Clampire is still around. In most markets where the commercial will be shown, the locals know enough about the MO of $cientology to avoid it. Thank you all who have spread true $cientology knowledge. You have forewarned the Earth.