My freedom from the “priison of belief” did not happen until I hit rock bottom. I had no where to go but up. That happened in November 2012. After three years of sever depression I started reading articles by Tony Ortega on Scientology. Two month later I was out.
Yeah, mine was perhaps just as bad. Senior Management ran Black Dianetics/ Scientology on me during my neverending Sec Checks. I was in severe depression for 15 years.
When I was active in scientology I constructed mental blinders to keep me from looking at doubts and reservations I had about scientology. Below are some things I knew, but wouldn’t fully look at.
I couldn’t leave a course or auditing level without going through a “routing form” during which I had to convince others that I had a good reason to leave. I wasn’t free to act on my own.
The “gains” from training and auditing were temporary mental constructs, with a few exceptions. From 1970-1986, I "went clear", did the original OT levels through “Full OT7”, the new OT4 and 5, and L-11. I also did the “Hubbard Standard Dianetics Course” in 1973 and the Dianetics internship for nearly a year. What's stayed with me are two realizations I had while being audited and one experience I had while auditing another. That’s it after 16 years of involvement and over $70K. As a side note: you'd think those who are in now would notice how many OTVIIIs have died from cancer. That's a glaring fact that the "tech" doesn't work.
When it became obvious my husband was no longer active in scientology (he didn't feel it helped him) I was pressured to “get him handled” or “leave him” and subjected to “ethics handlings”. Despite the blinders I wore, I knew I didn’t have the freedom to assess my own well-being, and — worse — I was required to live my life per Hubbard’s policies and the opinions of my peers. My husband wasn't against me continuing with scientology, but that didn't make any difference. In and of itself, this was a self-confining experience which eventually pushed me to leave scientology. The treatment of me, because my husband wasn't active, was how most of the light got in.
The introduction of security checks (“sec checks”) — before doing one’s next OT level, and routinely for those on new OT7 — defies the promise that as one progresses “up the bridge” they become more ethical, able, and free. By the time these sec checks were introduced, I’d done the OT levels mentioned above without sec checks in-between them. It felt to me like a way to get more money from the faithful.
I decided I wanted out of scientology years before I left but I went “under the radar" for two reasons: my son was "in", and so were all my friends. I didn’t want to lose any of them. However, my lack of enthusiasm was noted by my friends, who then withdrew from me. I knew they were disconnecting to keep themselves from getting into ethics trouble. How is that part of “the road to total freedom” or “making the able more able"? Couldn’t a free and able person continue a friendship with someone who loved them, even if they were no longer active in the same "religion"?
In time, my son left on his own accord, intentionally leaving me out of his thought processes. When he left, I was finally free to openly leave, which was when I realized how much of myself I’d suppressed in order to be an “ethical scientologist”. I wasn’t able to fully make that assessment before I left the confines of what I now know is an authoritarian cult. I had hints of it when I was in, but the blinders helped to keep my focus narrow enough to remain "part of the group".
It’s been 37 years since I left. I miss the friends who are still in, but I don’t miss anything else. I hope those friends will eventually step away and contact me. I know they have the same doubts I did, and it's safe out here. I promise.
To those under the radar: Ask yourself what made you decide to start looking. Then, ask yourself if anything has changed that. Then, remember that there are so many people out here who are ready and willing to help you leave, and thrive after you leave. (And you don't have to leave publicly or loudly, that is your choice and no one else's.)
As Robin Stanum writes, while I did have a few "gains"—I'll cal them epiphanies— in my years in Scientology, I can count the ones I remember on three fingers. I managed to slide away late last century— ;-) in '93 — but my mortification that I'd been involved — that I'd allowed myself to stay involved—was so huge that for about a decade I pretended a decade of my life hadn't happened. No way to live, of course, and writing my memoir (Flunk. Start. Reclaiming My Decade Lost in ScIentology) allowed me to , indeed, reclaim those years. I came to know of Tony's incredibly important work in the process, and as I read most of his posts, there are many mornings when I shake my head and say a mental thank you that I am OUT of that awful, insidious mind-control. There was so much I KNEW was "off," or "wrong," and again and again was talked back into it —talked myself back into it. Yes: to independence! And thanks, Tony!
For ten years as a Sea Org member, I worked so hard get good auditing accomplished for our public at ASHO Day, Celebrity Center LA, Golden Era Studios, and the New York Foundation organizations but I was always in "Ethics Trouble." I was hell. I finally got my Independence after eating Tony's articles in the Village Voice. I began to understand what was going on behind the scenes. Thanks, Tony.
I’ve been fascinated/ sickened by Scientology since I was 17. I’m in my 6 th decade , so it’s been a long brood. The same year I also took TM®️, so it wasn’t a bad year entirely . I was a born intuitive and medium but back then there was nothing to read about it after the 5 books out on it. I did research and picked up a copy of dianetics . At first I loved the info and it made perfect sense. There’s a lot he did that was wonderful. But it didn’t take long , maybe 2 chapters and the hair on the back of my neck stood up and I said to no- one out loud - this man is insane. I meant it. Truly insane . I stayed fascinated with the madman as culture did and when I had my own radio show I read “ the unbreakable miss lovely”. By Tony Ortega”. It wasn’t really what my show was about but it was 1 of 3 of my fav shows from 4 years of weekly shows. I have yet to meet anyone from this world as committed to, dedicated , or effective in bringing Scientology to light as he is. It is because of Tony that I continue to talk and post about it. Sorry for the length of this. Adena
My freedom from the “priison of belief” did not happen until I hit rock bottom. I had no where to go but up. That happened in November 2012. After three years of sever depression I started reading articles by Tony Ortega on Scientology. Two month later I was out.
Yeah, mine was perhaps just as bad. Senior Management ran Black Dianetics/ Scientology on me during my neverending Sec Checks. I was in severe depression for 15 years.
Mark, I understand that. It is a dangerous, destructive cult.
Sorry my friend.
Thank you. It is now part of my wisdom not my pain.
When I was active in scientology I constructed mental blinders to keep me from looking at doubts and reservations I had about scientology. Below are some things I knew, but wouldn’t fully look at.
I couldn’t leave a course or auditing level without going through a “routing form” during which I had to convince others that I had a good reason to leave. I wasn’t free to act on my own.
The “gains” from training and auditing were temporary mental constructs, with a few exceptions. From 1970-1986, I "went clear", did the original OT levels through “Full OT7”, the new OT4 and 5, and L-11. I also did the “Hubbard Standard Dianetics Course” in 1973 and the Dianetics internship for nearly a year. What's stayed with me are two realizations I had while being audited and one experience I had while auditing another. That’s it after 16 years of involvement and over $70K. As a side note: you'd think those who are in now would notice how many OTVIIIs have died from cancer. That's a glaring fact that the "tech" doesn't work.
When it became obvious my husband was no longer active in scientology (he didn't feel it helped him) I was pressured to “get him handled” or “leave him” and subjected to “ethics handlings”. Despite the blinders I wore, I knew I didn’t have the freedom to assess my own well-being, and — worse — I was required to live my life per Hubbard’s policies and the opinions of my peers. My husband wasn't against me continuing with scientology, but that didn't make any difference. In and of itself, this was a self-confining experience which eventually pushed me to leave scientology. The treatment of me, because my husband wasn't active, was how most of the light got in.
The introduction of security checks (“sec checks”) — before doing one’s next OT level, and routinely for those on new OT7 — defies the promise that as one progresses “up the bridge” they become more ethical, able, and free. By the time these sec checks were introduced, I’d done the OT levels mentioned above without sec checks in-between them. It felt to me like a way to get more money from the faithful.
I decided I wanted out of scientology years before I left but I went “under the radar" for two reasons: my son was "in", and so were all my friends. I didn’t want to lose any of them. However, my lack of enthusiasm was noted by my friends, who then withdrew from me. I knew they were disconnecting to keep themselves from getting into ethics trouble. How is that part of “the road to total freedom” or “making the able more able"? Couldn’t a free and able person continue a friendship with someone who loved them, even if they were no longer active in the same "religion"?
In time, my son left on his own accord, intentionally leaving me out of his thought processes. When he left, I was finally free to openly leave, which was when I realized how much of myself I’d suppressed in order to be an “ethical scientologist”. I wasn’t able to fully make that assessment before I left the confines of what I now know is an authoritarian cult. I had hints of it when I was in, but the blinders helped to keep my focus narrow enough to remain "part of the group".
It’s been 37 years since I left. I miss the friends who are still in, but I don’t miss anything else. I hope those friends will eventually step away and contact me. I know they have the same doubts I did, and it's safe out here. I promise.
To those under the radar: Ask yourself what made you decide to start looking. Then, ask yourself if anything has changed that. Then, remember that there are so many people out here who are ready and willing to help you leave, and thrive after you leave. (And you don't have to leave publicly or loudly, that is your choice and no one else's.)
As Robin Stanum writes, while I did have a few "gains"—I'll cal them epiphanies— in my years in Scientology, I can count the ones I remember on three fingers. I managed to slide away late last century— ;-) in '93 — but my mortification that I'd been involved — that I'd allowed myself to stay involved—was so huge that for about a decade I pretended a decade of my life hadn't happened. No way to live, of course, and writing my memoir (Flunk. Start. Reclaiming My Decade Lost in ScIentology) allowed me to , indeed, reclaim those years. I came to know of Tony's incredibly important work in the process, and as I read most of his posts, there are many mornings when I shake my head and say a mental thank you that I am OUT of that awful, insidious mind-control. There was so much I KNEW was "off," or "wrong," and again and again was talked back into it —talked myself back into it. Yes: to independence! And thanks, Tony!
One of the good stories, and somehow not in book at the moment.
"Nefertiti" from the RPF's RPF in Flag, walking out...
https://lermanet.org/cos/enggulag.html
𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘦𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢 𝘰𝘧 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘧𝘴 𝘺𝘦𝘵. 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘢 𝘧𝘪𝘹𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢, 𝘰𝘣𝘴𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘷𝘦. 𝘛𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦, 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘭.
𝘈 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨: " 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦?" 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘥𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦.
𝘐𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘺 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘥𝘶𝘤𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘺𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥 𝘢 𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘫𝘦𝘳𝘬𝘺 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘦𝘤𝘩 𝘪𝘴 𝘷𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘢 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘲𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘺 𝘢𝘴 𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘮𝘴𝘺 𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘱𝘪𝘥.
𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘯𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘤 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘥...
𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘺𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯; 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦. 𝘛𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘢 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘣𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘤𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘺 𝘵𝘢𝘴𝘬. 𝘈𝘯 𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘴𝘶𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘶𝘯 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘦𝘥, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘥𝘢𝘮𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘴, 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳, 𝘢𝘣𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘴, 𝘢𝘣𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦, 𝘰𝘧 𝘫𝘰𝘣, 𝘰𝘧 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘺 , 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘹 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘰𝘮.
For ten years as a Sea Org member, I worked so hard get good auditing accomplished for our public at ASHO Day, Celebrity Center LA, Golden Era Studios, and the New York Foundation organizations but I was always in "Ethics Trouble." I was hell. I finally got my Independence after eating Tony's articles in the Village Voice. I began to understand what was going on behind the scenes. Thanks, Tony.
happy 4 of july to all the great people who break free from the cult !
I’ve been fascinated/ sickened by Scientology since I was 17. I’m in my 6 th decade , so it’s been a long brood. The same year I also took TM®️, so it wasn’t a bad year entirely . I was a born intuitive and medium but back then there was nothing to read about it after the 5 books out on it. I did research and picked up a copy of dianetics . At first I loved the info and it made perfect sense. There’s a lot he did that was wonderful. But it didn’t take long , maybe 2 chapters and the hair on the back of my neck stood up and I said to no- one out loud - this man is insane. I meant it. Truly insane . I stayed fascinated with the madman as culture did and when I had my own radio show I read “ the unbreakable miss lovely”. By Tony Ortega”. It wasn’t really what my show was about but it was 1 of 3 of my fav shows from 4 years of weekly shows. I have yet to meet anyone from this world as committed to, dedicated , or effective in bringing Scientology to light as he is. It is because of Tony that I continue to talk and post about it. Sorry for the length of this. Adena