I am certain I am not the only one who woke up with this feeling, that Scientology had co-opted my soul, that I was not a good person, and that everything bad that was happening in my life was something I deserved to have happen.
Telling this shows me the cracks created by “allowing me to interact with wogs.” The GO and its successor OSA are doomed by their very nature. Their members are required to interact with the people they are told are evil whereas other members remain in the bubble. If you interact with the outside world, sunshine creeps in.
So true, I wish other GO/OSA people would get over that barrier fully and go public on the mire of GO/OSA mindset and logic.
Hubbard created the counter-attack wings of the Hubbard cult bureaucracy, and all the GO/OSA staffers and agents did their tiny sub parts. My ex spouse was "Invest Files OSA Int" for some years, and "Clearances Files" to check the backgrounds of those going to the Freewinds to do OT 8. She complained privately she just wanted to go become a Dianetics Book auditor, just go do Div 6 intro level interaction. The whole GO/OSA branches were a huge dodge off of the Scientology pseudo-therapy/exorcism-soul-freeing main line activity of Hubbard's.
Hubbard just created these whole wings of his vast cult bureaucracy that were unnecessary.
In the early 1980s, when I was in 1983 summer, on the "routing forms" paperwork project, I read some horribly despairing comments from Hubbard, he genuinely wrote privately he was convinced things were going to collapse due to the early 1980s court cases.
After reading those Hubbard despairing "advices", I thought, "What lack of faith he has in his own "tech"". I thought that because as of 1983, the red volumes with all the genuine "auditing tech" was published, that despite even if official Scientology went bankrupt, and in hock to pay off the IRS, the world, and those wishing to just do the "tech" would be able to go out and reform whatever extent of setups they wished.
It did not require this whole massive bureaucracy even of the 1983 buildup/collapsed then setup.
To me, always, what weighed as the biggest factor during all my decades as a Sea Org member, 75-03, was the "tech", which is the pseudo-therapy/exorcism-soul-freeing to supposedly "handle" a person's "case" and make them the pure soul as defined in the "Parts of Man" chapter in "Scientology: The Fundamentals of Thought" book, where Hubbard says the ultimate ideal status of the soul is outside the human body, guiding it, (total fantasy, but that is the fantasy sales con from Hubbard I bought into, and this con fantasy false promise is in this introductory book, so gullible similar persons like me fall for this Hubbard scam con false promise-- in a nutshell doing the whole Hubbard enchilada "Bridge" pseudo-therapy/exorcism would result in this soul out of the body optimum status, which of course NO ONE GETs so it's the core con, or was, to me).
Anyways, GO people due to being nearer to regular life, and having to behave more normal, that is noticeable, always was noticeable, and one thing I liked ironically, also GO and OSA staff are usually slightly smarter, most, that other staff.
But it all goes back to the Hubbard con, and the whole GO/OSA wing are just counter attack against opponents to the Hubbard con pseudo-therapy/exorcism scam.
- Hail Xenu's R6 Implanted Body-Thetans in Massive Swarms Please Enter all OSA Staffers' heads forever.
I think by creating his “intelligence wing” he thought he would be creating a group of die hard fanatics that would keep the rest of the crew in line. He didn’t factor in the fact that we dealt with real life so would be much more prone to cognitive dissonance. He had way too much confidence in his “tech” at that point.
Excellent article Val. I especially could more easily relate to the comparison of being in an abusive relationship. As a NI, but having been in an abusive marriage, I could SO easily relate to that situation. Thanks so much. Always love your work.
Valerie, you have a wonder way of bringing the reader into your world and getting their complete attention. I love how you explain the dichotomy of the $cieno world and just walking down the street and the attention you get from strangers who saw you fall down. In general H E and R are very good things. I can see how your family and the wog world helped move you out of the $cienoverse.
In my 46 years as a dedicated Sciebot I did not see what Val experienced. Because I traveled in the celebrity group I missed most of the abusive craziness of so many Scientologists and staff.
Val writes in a style that puts me right back into that time period in a way that gives me a behind the scenes of what was behind the curtains that were in front of me. Thank Val for writing your experiences. I know it must be painful sometimes as you are writing.
I have a feeling that a lot of us consider ourselves decent human beings that have never intentionally physically hurt another person before. But, as we hear more about that arse, I have a feeling a lot of those same people would struggle to not punch Mark in the face if given the chance.
I hope your ex colleagues are reading this. Imagine if Mary Sue herself could do as you are doing:
Thankyou so much!
"....It’s odd writing about this. I have to fight myself because we were drilled so hard that it was traitorous to speak out and heroic to keep silent. That is the reason Scientology has gotten away with so much for so long. The threats and the shame are big motivators to keep silent. It’s past time to break that pattern....."
"....I happened to walk by Mary Sue’s open doors one night and heard her whispering urgently into the phone holding back tears to someone I guessed was Ron (I never did get confirmation if that was true) asking him “what about you, are you going to be OK?” “No, I’ve hidden it, no she’s not here.” I felt guilty enough at that point to walk quietly to her office and close the door. She looked up at me as I closed the door and kind of gave me a deer-in-the-headlights look...."
Priceless, thanks so much. It's so true, in life around the "biggies" it's just like this.
At Flag Clearwater, the night of the raid, the Guardian's Office Flag hired a truck, and the whole Clearwater Building GO offices files were just loaded up and taken away.
The GO was on full time cover their massive paperwork asses for however long.
I wish all the other ears would tell their stories like you.
I realized had Mary Sue ever gotten her head on straight, she herself would be the one to tell of what actually she did for Hubbard, all leading up to, and after, the Guardian's Office illegal actions.
Imagine had Mary Sue had the mind to repent and write what her experience with Hubbard, what her life, all consisted of.
In fact, today, were a researcher (it'd absolutely have to be an outsider) do a biography of someone, doing the biography of Mary Sue's life. "Life of a Modern Cult Leader's Wife" Hubbard's Manuela.
"...Now here’s reality. For the whole time I worked at the FBI I was a plant. I was a spy. I was the bad guy. But they were always nice, friendly and genuinely happy to have me around. On my last day, October 28, 1977, they threw me a surprise going away party and baby shower. These people I was spying on did that for me. It was the only baby shower I got for either of my pregnancies. It was also the only time during those years that I was praised for my work ethic and thanked for the job I did. I thanked them kindly, even cried, but I was so embarrassed in that moment to be who I was. I did not deserve what they did for me...."
(I started finally, reading books by ex FBI officials, and was so appreciative of them. Reading books by persons in Govt totally has changed my feelings, they are the good guys. Hubbard's prejudices against Govt's are just sick views easily disproved by just reading sufficiently in life.)
I was at the Fort Harrison, when the raids occured. It was bewildering. The Guardian's Office staffers seemed like the brightest smartest of "our" Flag Staff. But like Val tells, they were doing the worst illegal things, and blaming the outside world, never telling our illegal actions.
Some, Chuck Ohl, to me, I greatly admired him, he was so bright yet I learned he later committed felonies never caught by authorities.
Hubbard is at bottom. Mary Sue was shackled with Hubbard's "Manuela" hat from the Simon Bolivar policy,
Hubbard is the fiend who deserved the jail time Mary Sue, Jane Kember and the others took the fall for Hubbard.
Hubbard is the writer fiend at the bottom of all that is fundamentally still wrong, and will continue to be wrong, about all things Scientology and the Scientology front groups.
OSA is Hubbard's mind, to this day.
Scientology is sick Hubbard's mind, which followers/staffs play out Hubbard's narrative and tactics for how to save the world.
All swept up in the Hubbard PR dodging like the sad local officials in Saint Hill today who wish all their connections to playing nice with Hubbard/Scientology, are playing along ignorantly.
Hubbard I wish had been prosecuted and gone to jail with Mary Sue.
Hubbard's "Simon Bolivar" policy is forever on display for what Hubbard left OSA to carry on doing in the protection of Scientology. That policy predicts where Scientology will always turn itself. Officials take note.
-------------------------------
Scientology is a quackery pseudo-therapy delving into a person's past lives soul memories to supposedly alleviate the theorized greater trauma "basics on our memory chains" which puppet like warp our today lives, unbeknownsk to us, until we supposedly use the Hubbard quack therapy to defuse and alleviate all effects of our damaging soul memories.
Later Hubbard added in exorcism/soul-freeing, because he discovered us humans are infested to the tune of thousands or many thousands of invisible souls which leak their trauma/R6-implanted soul memories over to our minds. So even if someone is "Clear" of their own past lives trauma soul memories, they still have the soul memories of the invisible souls leaking over into our minds, so Hubbard's exorcism steps OT 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 are to telepathically do some Hubbard therapy on these invisible souls to "free" them off our human bodies, thus we lose all of the leaking trauma from them, and thus we are supposedly truly unleashed ourselves, finally, from "our own case" and from our "OT case" (which is just the cumulative "case" of the invisible souls which leaked onto us).
Hubbard's Scientology is quackery pseudo-therapy and exorcism/soul-freeing, to alleviate our soul case and the case leaking onto us from the invisible souls infesting our human body.
Scientology seen this way fits in with the Hubbard science fiction mindset he concluded was actually our past lives memories percolating into our idea of the cosmos.
Scientology is like a galactic spanning "therapy" for soul memories alleviation, with all the other well known goals of becoming a powerful, once again, pure soul, the "Native State", the "No Games Conditions" state, "Serenity of Beingness" and all the more normal goals of living a better life, etc, that Hubbard/Scientology promises while doing this Hubbard stepladder of the pseudo-therapy/exorcism-soul-freeing
It did make sense, minus in hindsight for me today, the whole cult bureaucracy and the OSA branch, the old Guardian's Office branch, all that is unnecessary.
Those wishing to do the Hubbard quackery are free to do so to their hearts' content, since today the core "processes" of the quackery is free on the internet, to do with as one wishes:
a) Subject Volume 3
b) Subject Volume 4
c) "The O.T. Volume"
That's pretty much most of the Hubbard quackery for anyone to skim over and speculate what doing that quackery would do to your "case". It's quackery, skip it all, my suggestion.
Chuck Beatty
ex Sea Org 75 to 03 (my whole time was a waste, I'd never do it over)
Telling this shows me the cracks created by “allowing me to interact with wogs.” The GO and its successor OSA are doomed by their very nature. Their members are required to interact with the people they are told are evil whereas other members remain in the bubble. If you interact with the outside world, sunshine creeps in.
So true, I wish other GO/OSA people would get over that barrier fully and go public on the mire of GO/OSA mindset and logic.
Hubbard created the counter-attack wings of the Hubbard cult bureaucracy, and all the GO/OSA staffers and agents did their tiny sub parts. My ex spouse was "Invest Files OSA Int" for some years, and "Clearances Files" to check the backgrounds of those going to the Freewinds to do OT 8. She complained privately she just wanted to go become a Dianetics Book auditor, just go do Div 6 intro level interaction. The whole GO/OSA branches were a huge dodge off of the Scientology pseudo-therapy/exorcism-soul-freeing main line activity of Hubbard's.
Hubbard just created these whole wings of his vast cult bureaucracy that were unnecessary.
In the early 1980s, when I was in 1983 summer, on the "routing forms" paperwork project, I read some horribly despairing comments from Hubbard, he genuinely wrote privately he was convinced things were going to collapse due to the early 1980s court cases.
After reading those Hubbard despairing "advices", I thought, "What lack of faith he has in his own "tech"". I thought that because as of 1983, the red volumes with all the genuine "auditing tech" was published, that despite even if official Scientology went bankrupt, and in hock to pay off the IRS, the world, and those wishing to just do the "tech" would be able to go out and reform whatever extent of setups they wished.
It did not require this whole massive bureaucracy even of the 1983 buildup/collapsed then setup.
To me, always, what weighed as the biggest factor during all my decades as a Sea Org member, 75-03, was the "tech", which is the pseudo-therapy/exorcism-soul-freeing to supposedly "handle" a person's "case" and make them the pure soul as defined in the "Parts of Man" chapter in "Scientology: The Fundamentals of Thought" book, where Hubbard says the ultimate ideal status of the soul is outside the human body, guiding it, (total fantasy, but that is the fantasy sales con from Hubbard I bought into, and this con fantasy false promise is in this introductory book, so gullible similar persons like me fall for this Hubbard scam con false promise-- in a nutshell doing the whole Hubbard enchilada "Bridge" pseudo-therapy/exorcism would result in this soul out of the body optimum status, which of course NO ONE GETs so it's the core con, or was, to me).
Anyways, GO people due to being nearer to regular life, and having to behave more normal, that is noticeable, always was noticeable, and one thing I liked ironically, also GO and OSA staff are usually slightly smarter, most, that other staff.
But it all goes back to the Hubbard con, and the whole GO/OSA wing are just counter attack against opponents to the Hubbard con pseudo-therapy/exorcism scam.
- Hail Xenu's R6 Implanted Body-Thetans in Massive Swarms Please Enter all OSA Staffers' heads forever.
I think by creating his “intelligence wing” he thought he would be creating a group of die hard fanatics that would keep the rest of the crew in line. He didn’t factor in the fact that we dealt with real life so would be much more prone to cognitive dissonance. He had way too much confidence in his “tech” at that point.
Excellent article Val. I especially could more easily relate to the comparison of being in an abusive relationship. As a NI, but having been in an abusive marriage, I could SO easily relate to that situation. Thanks so much. Always love your work.
Valerie, you have a wonder way of bringing the reader into your world and getting their complete attention. I love how you explain the dichotomy of the $cieno world and just walking down the street and the attention you get from strangers who saw you fall down. In general H E and R are very good things. I can see how your family and the wog world helped move you out of the $cienoverse.
In my 46 years as a dedicated Sciebot I did not see what Val experienced. Because I traveled in the celebrity group I missed most of the abusive craziness of so many Scientologists and staff.
Val writes in a style that puts me right back into that time period in a way that gives me a behind the scenes of what was behind the curtains that were in front of me. Thank Val for writing your experiences. I know it must be painful sometimes as you are writing.
This is what people who think Tom Cruise is turning a blind eye need to know. Celebrities were different.
Being around a lot of these celebs I saw how clueless they are. And pampered and coddled by OSA operatives. Disgusting.
I have a feeling that a lot of us consider ourselves decent human beings that have never intentionally physically hurt another person before. But, as we hear more about that arse, I have a feeling a lot of those same people would struggle to not punch Mark in the face if given the chance.
He’s been home bound for years now. I find it hard not to take joy in the slow drip torture that is his life now.
You are one smart strong lady (except for your past choice of a hubby).
I hope your ex colleagues are reading this. Imagine if Mary Sue herself could do as you are doing:
Thankyou so much!
"....It’s odd writing about this. I have to fight myself because we were drilled so hard that it was traitorous to speak out and heroic to keep silent. That is the reason Scientology has gotten away with so much for so long. The threats and the shame are big motivators to keep silent. It’s past time to break that pattern....."
"....I happened to walk by Mary Sue’s open doors one night and heard her whispering urgently into the phone holding back tears to someone I guessed was Ron (I never did get confirmation if that was true) asking him “what about you, are you going to be OK?” “No, I’ve hidden it, no she’s not here.” I felt guilty enough at that point to walk quietly to her office and close the door. She looked up at me as I closed the door and kind of gave me a deer-in-the-headlights look...."
Priceless, thanks so much. It's so true, in life around the "biggies" it's just like this.
At Flag Clearwater, the night of the raid, the Guardian's Office Flag hired a truck, and the whole Clearwater Building GO offices files were just loaded up and taken away.
The GO was on full time cover their massive paperwork asses for however long.
I wish all the other ears would tell their stories like you.
I realized had Mary Sue ever gotten her head on straight, she herself would be the one to tell of what actually she did for Hubbard, all leading up to, and after, the Guardian's Office illegal actions.
Imagine had Mary Sue had the mind to repent and write what her experience with Hubbard, what her life, all consisted of.
In fact, today, were a researcher (it'd absolutely have to be an outsider) do a biography of someone, doing the biography of Mary Sue's life. "Life of a Modern Cult Leader's Wife" Hubbard's Manuela.
Priceless:
"...Now here’s reality. For the whole time I worked at the FBI I was a plant. I was a spy. I was the bad guy. But they were always nice, friendly and genuinely happy to have me around. On my last day, October 28, 1977, they threw me a surprise going away party and baby shower. These people I was spying on did that for me. It was the only baby shower I got for either of my pregnancies. It was also the only time during those years that I was praised for my work ethic and thanked for the job I did. I thanked them kindly, even cried, but I was so embarrassed in that moment to be who I was. I did not deserve what they did for me...."
(I started finally, reading books by ex FBI officials, and was so appreciative of them. Reading books by persons in Govt totally has changed my feelings, they are the good guys. Hubbard's prejudices against Govt's are just sick views easily disproved by just reading sufficiently in life.)
I was at the Fort Harrison, when the raids occured. It was bewildering. The Guardian's Office staffers seemed like the brightest smartest of "our" Flag Staff. But like Val tells, they were doing the worst illegal things, and blaming the outside world, never telling our illegal actions.
Some, Chuck Ohl, to me, I greatly admired him, he was so bright yet I learned he later committed felonies never caught by authorities.
Hubbard is at bottom. Mary Sue was shackled with Hubbard's "Manuela" hat from the Simon Bolivar policy,
Hubbard is the fiend who deserved the jail time Mary Sue, Jane Kember and the others took the fall for Hubbard.
Hubbard is the writer fiend at the bottom of all that is fundamentally still wrong, and will continue to be wrong, about all things Scientology and the Scientology front groups.
OSA is Hubbard's mind, to this day.
Scientology is sick Hubbard's mind, which followers/staffs play out Hubbard's narrative and tactics for how to save the world.
All swept up in the Hubbard PR dodging like the sad local officials in Saint Hill today who wish all their connections to playing nice with Hubbard/Scientology, are playing along ignorantly.
Hubbard I wish had been prosecuted and gone to jail with Mary Sue.
Hubbard's "Simon Bolivar" policy is forever on display for what Hubbard left OSA to carry on doing in the protection of Scientology. That policy predicts where Scientology will always turn itself. Officials take note.
-------------------------------
Scientology is a quackery pseudo-therapy delving into a person's past lives soul memories to supposedly alleviate the theorized greater trauma "basics on our memory chains" which puppet like warp our today lives, unbeknownsk to us, until we supposedly use the Hubbard quack therapy to defuse and alleviate all effects of our damaging soul memories.
Later Hubbard added in exorcism/soul-freeing, because he discovered us humans are infested to the tune of thousands or many thousands of invisible souls which leak their trauma/R6-implanted soul memories over to our minds. So even if someone is "Clear" of their own past lives trauma soul memories, they still have the soul memories of the invisible souls leaking over into our minds, so Hubbard's exorcism steps OT 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 are to telepathically do some Hubbard therapy on these invisible souls to "free" them off our human bodies, thus we lose all of the leaking trauma from them, and thus we are supposedly truly unleashed ourselves, finally, from "our own case" and from our "OT case" (which is just the cumulative "case" of the invisible souls which leaked onto us).
Hubbard's Scientology is quackery pseudo-therapy and exorcism/soul-freeing, to alleviate our soul case and the case leaking onto us from the invisible souls infesting our human body.
Scientology seen this way fits in with the Hubbard science fiction mindset he concluded was actually our past lives memories percolating into our idea of the cosmos.
Scientology is like a galactic spanning "therapy" for soul memories alleviation, with all the other well known goals of becoming a powerful, once again, pure soul, the "Native State", the "No Games Conditions" state, "Serenity of Beingness" and all the more normal goals of living a better life, etc, that Hubbard/Scientology promises while doing this Hubbard stepladder of the pseudo-therapy/exorcism-soul-freeing
It did make sense, minus in hindsight for me today, the whole cult bureaucracy and the OSA branch, the old Guardian's Office branch, all that is unnecessary.
Those wishing to do the Hubbard quackery are free to do so to their hearts' content, since today the core "processes" of the quackery is free on the internet, to do with as one wishes:
a) Subject Volume 3
b) Subject Volume 4
c) "The O.T. Volume"
That's pretty much most of the Hubbard quackery for anyone to skim over and speculate what doing that quackery would do to your "case". It's quackery, skip it all, my suggestion.
Chuck Beatty
ex Sea Org 75 to 03 (my whole time was a waste, I'd never do it over)
Val, I love your writing and feel SO greatful you left Scn. I intend you every bit of happiness life has to offer. Much love, 💜