Xenu is here with your 2024 Scientology holiday catalog!
One of our readers is an ex-Scientologist who, like many of you, continues to receive mail from the church even though they are known to be “declared.” In other words, Scientology considers them an enemy but keeps on sending them promotional stuff. Weird.
Well, however it happened, to our great delight our tipster received an absolute gem of an item this week from Scientology, and it really made us do a double-take.
Is that Xenu, dressed up as some sort of alien Santa Claus, on this year’s Scientology holiday gift catalog?
Well, maybe it isn’t Xenu, the notorious galactic warlord from Operating Thetan Level Three after all. The caption seems to indicate that it’s the four-armed alien character Hippocrates from L. Ron Hubbard’s 1970 short story collection Ole Doc Methuselah.
But whatever. We’re just glad to see that Scientology is once again co-opting Christmas (as we explained recently) in order to sell even more books and doodads!
Let’s take a look at some of the items you can pick up to put under the tree for your favorite thetans this year!
Why not go all out and purchase an e-Meter for the precious space cadets in your life?
At only $5,000 grand each, why not pick up two?
The Basics are always a good choice. And church leader David Miscavige still has boatloads of these volumes that he had reprinted in 2007 after removing all the unnecessary semicolons.
But really, if you want to spread some holiday cheer, nothing says “Merry Christmas” like jewelry, right?
Dianetics cuff links!
OT pendants!
A Scientology minister’s cross!
Oh, the possibilities really are endless.
And what would a Scientology gift catalog be without a word from the Great Thetan himself.
The spirit of Christmas lives with us.
We are the protectors of the real tradition of Christmas—peace on Earth and Goodwill to all.
We are the hope of Man—the only hope. Mankind’s salvation lies within our hands. With our tech and ability we can create here on Earth a real heaven where men can be free.
In our hands lies the power to restore to man his determinism and all that he finds good in himself—his honesty, his integrity, and the thrill of being of real help to others. A very Merry Christmas to you all and a bright friendly new year.
L. Ron Hubbard
The only hope of Mankind! Oh, that Ron, what a kidder.
Does this inspire you? What sorts of gifts will you be on the lookout for this season for the preclears and body thetans in your life?
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Source Code: Actual things founder L. Ron Hubbard said on this date in history
Avast, Ye Mateys: Snapshots from Scientology’s years at sea
Overheard in the Freezone: Indie Hubbardism, one thought at a time
Past is Prologue: From this week in history at alt.religion.scientology
Random Howdy: Your daily dose of the Captain
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There is absolutely nothing that is not a sales/fund raising opportunity for $cientology. If a meteor were about to destroy all life on earth, some Clam would be trying to sell you time shares on Mars.
Fitting that that illustration looks a lot like the Grinch… Without the redemption and the enlarging of his heart.