Your Scientology superpower is here, Thetan, and it’s for the birds!

Was it something we said?

The last time Scientology put out a new issue of Advance! magazine with its ever-popular feature “OT Phenomena,” we complained about how tepid the stories by Scientologists boasting about their supernatural “OT abilities” had become.

Back in the day, the stories in the column could be pretty wild as Scientologists related leaving their bodies, encountering disembodied thetans, and using their tractor beams to prevent car accidents. But these days, the tales were getting weaker and weaker and sounded like simple coincidences…

The OT Phenomena column has gotten a lot duller in recent years, and this latest issue may be the dullest yet. What’s going on? Are upper level Scientologists just not becoming the super heroes of the past? Or are they more self-conscious of making supernatural claims when the church itself is in such bad shape? What’s your theory?

Our tipster who let us know that another new issue was out told us they wondered if someone at the magazine had noticed our complaints, because this batch did seem to be at least a little more interesting!

It’s reassuring to know that after spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to go up the “Bridge to Total Freedom,” it was paying off with superhuman powers! Here’s the latest batch. You tell us if you also see an improvement…

OT PHENOMENA

Stories of Thetan Abilities At Work

Raining Miracles

Since I did the OT Levels, miracles have been happening at every turn. For example, each morning I send my children off to school. They go by themselves and travel by tram. One particular morning after they had left, I had the realization that they were sitting on a stopped tram. I called them to ask if they were stuck, and my son replied yes, there had been an accident on the tracks. I sensed my children were getting anxious. So I thought to myself, "Well, I'm an OT," and directed my attention there. When I called my children back, my son told mee the tram was moving again.

Another example is when I was driving to the car wash and it started to rain. I just had the thought, "This isn't good," and it stopped raining. I made it to the car wash and back home with my car clean — and dry! Now that I am an OT, things like this happen every day. — L.K.

Decided and Done

I sell gift baskets online, and a customer who lives in Australia purchased a gift basket for a friend living in Mexico. She messaged me that customs in Mexico was holding the gift basket and they told her friend she would have to come to pick it up. She asked if I could do anything to help. I told her not to worry, I would help. Soon after, I received another message from my customer, saying, "By some miracle, my friend has received her gift basket." As it turned out, the friend was walking by a random post office when she thought she would pop in to see if they could help her. It turned out that the parcel was there in that post office! Whenever a customer needs help, I make a decision and every time it's taken care of. — B.V.

For The Birds

In the past, I used to find birds very annoying, and I despised having them around. I never felt affinity, reality, or communication with birds. They couldn't understand me and they just sang their songs. Whenever I heard birds chirping in the morning, I thought they were noisy and that they interrupted my sleep. After I did the OT Levels, however, I found myself able to communicate with birds. Now, when they start chirping at dawn, I can tell them to be quieter, and they actually do become quiet. I can even zero in on specific birds and ask them to go away or be quiet, and they do. Then, after I completed OT III, I became even more aware of what birds were doing. It no longer seemed to me that they were shouting and singing. I realized they were actually communicating. I felt no need to fight with them, because I could communicate with them. If I spoke to them, they would chirp more softly. This ability I have is amazing, and it has become even better since I did New OT V. — S.G.

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Source Code: Actual things founder L. Ron Hubbard said on this date in history

Avast, Ye Mateys: Snapshots from Scientology’s years at sea

Overheard in the Freezone: Indie Hubbardism, one thought at a time

Past is Prologue: From this week in history at alt.religion.scientology

Random Howdy: Your daily dose of the Captain

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