HAPPY 70TH BIRTHDAY, CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY

Ah, what an auspicious day! Seventy years ago to this day, the very first “Church of Scientology” entity was incorporated, and it’s been a hell of a ride ever since.

This year, we asked for birthday wishes from some of the people we’ve written about over the years, and we’ll start with a benediction from the good Jon Atack, who will go into a little more detail about why we celebrate this date in Scientology history and not the one the church itself recognizes (in February).

Jon Atack: Ron Hubbard usually pretended that the first Scientology “church” was created by his acolyte Burton Farber in February 1954. As with so many Hubbard statements, this is simply a lie.

Hubbard knew there was a conflict between science and spirituality. In 1951, in Science of Survival, he had pretended that reincarnation had been suggested by others (as a follower of Aleister Crowley, it was one of his core beliefs). In an April 10, 1953 letter, he asked the head of the Hubbard Association of Scientologists, Helen O’Brien, her opinion on the “religion angle.” The reason given was to fill his depleted coffers. After the immense but brief success of Dianetics, the cash had dried up. Hubbard would struggle for a decade, founding tens of different front groups, before the 1963 Victoria Inquiry alerted the world to his bizarre belief system and set the presses rolling.

Accompanied by his young wife Mary Sue, and his firstborn L. Ron Hubbard Jr, Hubbard secretly registered three “churches” on December 18, 1953.

I have long balked at the use of the word “Church” to describe the Scientology organization. Hubbard was insistent that the “only” barrier to study is the “misunderstood word.” He also insisted that the derivation of a word is vital to its understanding, so he presumably knew that the word “church” denotes either a Christian congregation or the place where a Christian congregation meets.

Alongside The Church of Scientology, Hubbard registered two other bodies: The Church of Human Engineering (no, really) and The Church of American Science. This last was explained in a 1954 Hubbard lecture where the Founder said, “there is a difference between the Church of American Science and the Church of Scientology. The Church of American Science is a Christian religion. It believes in the Holy Bible, Jesus is the Savior of man and everything that’s necessary to be a Christian religion. People who belong to that church are expected to be Christians. These two churches fit together. We take somebody in as a Church of American Science. It doesn’t disagree with his baptism or other things like that, and he could gradually slide over into some sort of better, wider activity such as the Church of Scientology and a little more wisdom and come a little more close to optimum. Then if he was good and one of the people that we would like to have around he would eventually slide into the HASI [Hubbbard Association of Scientologists International]. So we have provided stepping stones to Scientology with these organizations.”

I provide the whole passage to show just how devious Hubbard’s mind was (and how poor his grasp of grammar). The word “church” is bait for Christians. It is a “purr” word that makes Scientology seem religious in nature. While members have every right to regard their beliefs as a religion, Scientology is primarily an elaborate set of “processes” that alter mental states and implant beliefs.

Elsewhere, of course, Hubbard said: “‘There was no Christ.” Christ was a hypnotic “implant” from a “million years ago.” The Church of Scientology will indeed “disagree with his baptism” with the contemptuous notion that Scientology is a “better, wider activity” than Christianity.

The Church of Scientology was and is a confidence trick launched by a man who had told several friends that the best way to make a million is to start a religion. After he died, a document was briefly released in which Hubbard claimed to be the Antichrist. Perhaps we should be remembering the 70th anniversary of the Antichurch of Scientology?

Thank you, Jon! And now, on to the well-wishers and their congratulations for this venerable institution.

Clarissa Adams: Birthday wishes? I wish for nothing but continued bad news for them, I wish for the continued depletion of members, and I wish for the reunion and healing of families that this insidious corporation has broken.

Mitch Brisker: Today we mark the birth of the most devious confidence game of our era, both in the way it gets people to donate their money with no expectation of receiving anything tangible in return other than feeling connected, and for the way it creates need in its members — often by manipulating them into feeling guilt and shame and then convincing them those feelings are proof they need further help. Happy Birthday, Scientology!

Mark Bunker: Happy birthday, Scientology! Maybe if you had a silent birth you would not be the criminal enterprise you are today. But you came into the world amid cries of “Scam!” Seventy years later you may not have cleared the planet, but mentions of your name never fail to get a laugh. That’s pretty remarkable in itself. At 70, it’s time for you to slow down and retire. May I interest you in some land in Dunedin?

Ursula Caberta: Birthday wishes? OK. 70 years, wow! The so called Church of Scientology now exists for 70 years. One of the most dangerous cults in the world started on December 18, 1953. My best wishes to all people trying to stop this cult in the next years. I’m with you all the time!

Paulette Cooper: Too bad they didn’t incorporate something of value for mankind.

Karen de la Carriere: December 18, 1953: Did the incorporation of the ‘Church of Scientology’ state its founding principles, its initial goals, and the circumstances under which it was established? Every decade it became more and more paranoid. Staff at Saint Hill in the 1960s were declared right, left, and center. People that grew Scientology to “Saint Hill size” were also SPs trying to destroy the cult! Public perceptions of Scientology are in a freefall beyond repair. Scientology, 70 years after incorporating, is the butt of late night comedians, John Oliver, and South Park. The internet explodes with stories of lock downs, people held against their will, the break up of families, cruel and unusual punishments and above all money extortion. No other “church” makes you sign documents promising you will never sue before you even have a taste of their “technology.” Such is the paranoia. So it has lasted 70 years, 30 years of which was tax exempt. Is it sustainable in the long term? Putting on a graph the amount of “enemies” it has provoked and given rise to, the ex-Scientologists are conceivably larger in numerical number than those still in. Sustainable? Ha.

Pete Griffiths: Scientology was founded 70 years ago today. Yesterday, I turned 69 years of age. Just think, in another year I will be as old as Scientology.
Like most criminal rackets and unlike me, justice has been pursuing Scientology since its very inception. Let’s hope that this year that justice is seen to be done and a corrupt entity is finally recognised for what it is, just a ruthless and devious con, and may nobody ever, EVER get fooled again by Hubbard and his trap.

Stefani Hutchinson: Wishing Scientology a monumental global ARC Break, an increase in empty real estate, and fewer birthdays going forward. Here’s hoping the cake is taller than Captain Miscavige. May every Sea Org member be gifted with the Super Power of hearing their shoelaces and may those shoelaces all be low tone, nattering J&D suppressives.

Phil Jones: I have no birthday wishes or kind things to say for Scientology but have written an obituary in preparation for its death… Obituary for Scientology’s Passing: In a fortuitous turn of fate, the notorious concoction of pseudoscience and ego, better known as Scientology, has finally shuffled off this mortal coil. Born on December 18, 1953, it spent its years masquerading as a beacon of enlightenment while dousing its followers in a murky cocktail of delusion and empty promises. Few shall mourn its passing, for its legacy leaves behind a trail of shattered lives and drained bank accounts. Like a moth to a flame, it attracted the vulnerable, promising salvation but delivering only enslavement to its twisted ideology. Scientology, a self-proclaimed religion wrapped in the guise of a science, bestowed upon society no pearls of wisdom, and no advancements, but instead managed to cultivate a culture of secrecy and control. Its demise serves as a stark reminder of the dangers lurking within the shadows of blind faith and unchecked power. While there may be a few souls left who will mourn the loss of their spiritual crutch, many others breathe a sigh of relief, thankful that this chapter of manipulation and exploitation has drawn to a close. May its passing be a cautionary tale, a reminder that the pursuit of truth should never involve sacrificing one’s autonomy and reason at the altar of deceit. Scientology, Rest in Hell.

Geoff Levin: Happy Birthday, Scientology. I first found out about it in 1963, sixty years ago. I joined in 1968. I can attest to first-hand knowledge of child abuse, fraud, gaslighting, ageism, exploitation of artists in all fields, false promises and causing extreme psychosis. Many of Scientology’s crimes have been exposed for all to see. Here’s to another five years of the organization dwindling down to empty buildings and a handful of staff scattered around the world. And no new people being duped by Hubbard’s lies. And many thanks to all the whistleblowers who have made this possible.

James Lippard: Happy 70th birthday to the real first church organization of Scientology — the Church of Scientology incorporated in Camden, NJ at the law offices of William Gotshalk. Although the Church of Scientology was created in Camden at the same time as the Church of American Science (parent organization of the Church of Scientology of California, for many years the main organization) and the Church of Spiritual Engineering (a name that prefigures the intellectual property holding company, the Church of Spiritual Technology), the church doesn’t own its original headquarters at 527 Cooper St. in Camden, and hasn’t turned it into a museum. The birthplace of Hubbard’s first writings on Scientology (some ghostwritten by Richard de Mille), a home in Phoenix, has been turned into a museum. The subsequent Hubbard headquarters in DC, purchased in 1955, is honored as the Original Founding Church of Scientology (though they used to pretend that the Dupont Circle Church was the Founding Church for a time). The home in nearby Bay Head, NJ, where Hubbard wrote Dianetics, has also been turned into a museum. But there’s no love from Scientology for Camden, and no locations there on the Church’s list of “landmark sites” from the life of L. Ron Hubbard, even though he gave a series of lectures in Camden just as he did in Phoenix with some much more famous lectures. But Scientology is flexible about its own history, so maybe someday Camden will get a museum of the Real First Original Founding Church of Scientology?

Andrei Organ (a/k/a DodoTheLaser): As someone who got my entire family in Scientology for 15 years and was fortunate enough to get them all out too, I am grateful to the Church of Scientology for showing its red flags and true colors that paved our way out of that money making scam that breaks minds, lives, and families. I was declared an SP more than 10 years ago and it was one of the best things that happened to me and my family. We all are truly free now and doing better than ever. Happy Anniversary, Church of Scientology. Heh. Cheers.

Sunny Pereira: Today we celebrate yet another high control group hiding under the guise of religion. And for me personally, having no association with it anymore is incredibly freeing. Every day. My heart goes out to those who still endure the madness that is Scientology and the Sea Org.

Marcus Sawyer: Happy 70th birthday Scientology! May your birthday party be so exclusive, no one shows up!

Amy Scobee: Well, Scientology has definitely passed retirement age. Time to pack it up and send all captives back to their families.

Chris Shelton: 70 years old? Wow, I guess it is. Here goes: For so many years in Scientology, us staff and Sea Org were regaled with tales of Hubbard’s oceanic adventures, heroic war stories, and fiercely adventurous spirit, all in service of creating an image of a superhero who we could aspire to one day be too. And what did our oh-so-humble dictator want for his birthday? Expansion! But not just a little bit of growth, but a LOT of growth. E-X-P-A-N-S-I-O-N!!! So we worked and slaved away at our computers or with our shovels or cleaning rags or wherever it was we were made to toil to bring about the growth of what we thought was the most important thing in the universe. What a joke. If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say Scientology is likely smaller now than it has been in many decades. It’s led by a man who wishes his business acumen matched his over-sized ego, but David Miscavige truly is a clueless wonder when it comes to growing his organization. He’s led it longer now than Hubbard did and has nothing to show for it but contraction, law suits, bad press, and a toxic branding. And good on him for that because the last thing this world needs is Scientology growing. It’s a pseudoscientific pile of absolute nonsense and always was. I look forward to the day — and I believe it could come in my lifetime — that Scientology is simply no more as an organized religion. And when I think about birthday gifts, that’s one I think we’d all like to receive.

Chris Shugart: I was completely unaware of this anniversary. But now that I know, it happens to be an interesting coincidence in my case. I just turned 70 mere days ago, on Dec 13. And at the risk of sounding arrogant, my day is better. Best Wishes to Me!

Christian Stolte: My goodness, 70 years. It’s essential to celebrate the anniversary of that special turning point in one’s life when one’s recently-developed pseudo-science turns out to be a pseudo-religion, too! Ah, the exhilaration! The marketing potential! The tax privileges! The freedom to abuse one’s flock without fear of government interference! In the 70 years since its founding, the Church of Scientology has made the absolute most of their Founding Grifter’s pivot to the spiritual, and I dare say Scientology got away with decades of criminal conduct, physical and psychological torture, and epic human rights violations precisely because they slipped on those robes and pretended to be holy. What a colossal scam. What a dirtbag milestone. I’m sure L. Ron Hubbard is looking up from down below and giving Miscavige a big thumbs-up, a lecherous wink, and a rotten-toothed jack-o-lantern smile. Happy Birthday, Church of Scientology. As always, I hope it is your last.

OK, now it’s your turn. Please provide your salutations on this anniversary either here at the Substack or at the original Bunker website, and don’t hold back!

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Source Code: Actual things founder L. Ron Hubbard said on this date in history

Avast, Ye Mateys: Snapshots from Scientology’s years at sea

Overheard in the Freezone: Indie Hubbardism, one thought at a time

Past is Prologue: From this week in history at alt.religion.scientology

Random Howdy: Your daily dose of the Captain

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