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‘WHOA’: Scientology selling ‘Total Immortality’ in slick new video!


Yes, once again we have another of Scientology’s newer promo videos that encourage members to pay for expensive upper-level “technology,” and this one is selling total immortality!

Previously, we showed you a promo for Scientology’s notorious “running program,” the Cause Resurgence Rundown. Then we had a slick video about getting auditor training that made use of good-looking models, not Scientologists. And that was followed by a promotion for removing your space cooties at home.

Today’s video encourages wealthy Scientologists to travel to the Flag Land Base at Clearwater, Florida and drop about a hundred grand on the L Rundowns!

We have always found the L Rundowns interesting for the simple fact that they are not actually required steps on the “Bridge to Total Freedom” that Scientologists obsessively climb in order to reach superhuman status. They’re optional, and wow, they have big price tags.

But what are they? Well, we have some fun answers for you. But first, let’s take a look at the words that are actually uttered and posted in the video…

Woman: Doing my Ls, I feel incredibly stabilized. This is exactly what I needed to do, and I had no idea I needed to do it.

Man 1: I was like, OK, I'm an executive, I want to do the Ls. I don't know how to describe it -- it's like a beast. It's like, gives you so much horsepower.

Man 2: And then so you shed things. You shed charge. You shed old things. And then suddenly you become just yourself. Not stuck in the body. But free to choose who you want to be, when you want to be, how you want to be. And you're like, whoa, this is awesome!

Restraints Blown

Unlimited Reach

Total Immortality

Total immortality! That’s right, for the low price of a hundred grand, you to can live forever and forever. Or something.

But what is this stuff actually? Well, it requires auditors at the highest level to deliver this tech, and we happen to know someone who was a Class XII auditor and personally trained by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard — and that’s Karen de la Carriere!

She tells us that the L-11 Rundown (one of the three rundowns) is based on the case history of a particular person, the infamous Bruce Welch, who is known for going mental on the ship Apollo in the early 1970s.

If you’ve read Mike Rinder’s book, A Billion Years: My Escape from a Life in the Highest Ranks of Scientology, you may remember that he describes being the poor wretch who was ordered to keep watch as Welch was held in his room, raving.

Karen says Welch was a “snipe” — an engine room guy — who had a meltdown and talked about wanting to kill the Commodore.

“He ran through the hallways of the cabin with a butcher knife yelling how many times he wanted to stab Hubbard,” Karen says. But after locking him in his room (which he trashed), an order came down not to offload him at the nearest port, which the crew wanted.

“Hubbard said he would fall into the hands of psychiatry, and we cannot allow that when we have the answers to the human mind.”

Karen says Hubbard and Welch wrote to each other instead, and in that correspondence they worked out his “evil purpose.” And this, Hubbard said, was the key to understanding his psychotic break.

So this communication with a madman, Karen says, forms the basis of the L-11 Rundown.

“The client has to locate an ‘implant to harm,’” she says. In other words, we wouldn’t normally want to hurt other people, but evil psychiatrists have managed to implant a desire to do so in our minds, and we need to locate it.

"When the client finds the implant to harm, it is ‘date/located.’ Following that the client is asked: What evil purpose do you have?”

Karen says once that’s done the person then “attests to a new life.”

Oh, ok.

"Basically, people are paying to handle a madman's case,” she says. “You're paying $100,000 to handle the case of a maniac.”

Gee, isn’t Scientology fun?

Thank you for reading today’s story here at Substack. For the full picture of what’s happening today in the world of Scientology, please join the conversation at, where we’ve been reporting daily on David Miscavige’s cabal since 2012. There you’ll find additional stories, and our popular regular daily features:

Source Code: Actual things founder L. Ron Hubbard said on this date in history

Avast, Ye Mateys: Snapshots from Scientology’s years at sea

Overheard in the Freezone: Indie Hubbardism, one thought at a time

Past is Prologue: From this week in history at alt.religion.scientology

Random Howdy: Your daily dose of the Captain

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The Underground Bunker
Tony Ortega